Midnight Thought

Marriage; as simple as everyone thought, it's all about I love you and you love me. Often neglecting what matter the most in marriage, it is thought to be very fun and romantic and happily ever after kind of fairy tale. Which I shall say, it is not as easy as it thought, it is a fairly complex and involved numerous parties of people. Some times I really think "Idol-Drama" deliver a very wrong message to their viewer, which I highly do not recommend people to watch. It's plain...... "fairy-tale".

It is indeed a promise to take care the other half as long as you live. Committed to each other and stay loyal. Being loyal has always be a problem for human being, however controllable by limiting your space in fantasizing. Commitment, how much commitment can you pour into your marriage? I doubt anyone thought of it. Can you trade your time, career, opportunity and personal interest for this marriage, it's just vice versa for husband and wife.

This has not come to financial burden, family affairs, friendship and not to forget another commitment for your heirs, yes, PARENT-ing. Which is certainly the most important if not vital for the child. I truly believe in giving my offspring the best, in term of a good childhood, education, fatherhood, and being with them when they grow. Which I sorely missed most of it from my childhood.

Having a cousin growing up from a broken family, I saw the unhappiness inside her though she's just three years old. Some times people argued for abort or not to abort, thinking in short term, you would be an awesome mum for not aborting, so holy that it should be considered a good deed. But have you ever thought of how great is the responsibility of growing up a child? Have you even thought of parenting them? Guiding them? How are you going to guide them while you don't even able to guide yourself?

Aborting infants seem damn cruel, inhumane, and so evil. But if you know that you have no characteristic and determination to become a parent. Please do so, it will be good for the unborn child. Never letting him/her to come to this cruel world would serve him/her best.

Having seeing her growing from a 1 month old baby to 3 months old baby to 1 year old child and now she's in kinder-garden, pre-school. Often saw her sadness in her face, cute and adorable, but yet I felt she's pity and helpless, being thrown here and there. No one wanting her, like a unwanted toy being pushed around.

Without love and care, what would you become in the future? Shall I be strict on you? Shall I be good to you? I do not know.

To you I might be the closest siblings, your big brother, the one who cherish you most. Often laying your head on my shoulder when hugging you. Always trying to get attention from me and wanted to stick with me. I love you too.

For I have know your upcoming journey will be a stormy and unclear and harsh. What's more you can do? You are already here, I will just by your side accompanying you throughout my last breath. Being truthful, I wish you were never here, so you would not be suffering on this imbalance life in this incomplete family.

I promise that I will be there as long as I am still capable of, don't let me down, be a good one, be a good one, sha du sha du sha du.....