Birthday?

I'm used to be good organizing other people ones. But mine? I am not sure. Guess no one will remember. Like serious. Preparing cake? Present? Atmosphere? Invitation, who to and who not to. Giving faces to attend theirs. Guess world is just not fair. Yes, the world has never been fair. Guess I'll just need to bare with it. Don't you think so? Yea I believe so.

Believe it or not. For 24 years or maybe when I start to have my own thinking being, I never had someone I really wish to celebrate my birthday with alongside with me. Haha.. what a joke, seems everything is fading away. Very often I do felt myself being under appreciated.

I just wish to have someone that appreciate me. Seems this person is hard to get.

It's tiring to think what to do on birthday. Who to invite, who to ask, where to go, what to do. Why not there's some one who will arrange for me?

Keep on dreaming k? Time to sleep. Nights

Midnight Thought

Marriage; as simple as everyone thought, it's all about I love you and you love me. Often neglecting what matter the most in marriage, it is thought to be very fun and romantic and happily ever after kind of fairy tale. Which I shall say, it is not as easy as it thought, it is a fairly complex and involved numerous parties of people. Some times I really think "Idol-Drama" deliver a very wrong message to their viewer, which I highly do not recommend people to watch. It's plain...... "fairy-tale".

It is indeed a promise to take care the other half as long as you live. Committed to each other and stay loyal. Being loyal has always be a problem for human being, however controllable by limiting your space in fantasizing. Commitment, how much commitment can you pour into your marriage? I doubt anyone thought of it. Can you trade your time, career, opportunity and personal interest for this marriage, it's just vice versa for husband and wife.

This has not come to financial burden, family affairs, friendship and not to forget another commitment for your heirs, yes, PARENT-ing. Which is certainly the most important if not vital for the child. I truly believe in giving my offspring the best, in term of a good childhood, education, fatherhood, and being with them when they grow. Which I sorely missed most of it from my childhood.

Having a cousin growing up from a broken family, I saw the unhappiness inside her though she's just three years old. Some times people argued for abort or not to abort, thinking in short term, you would be an awesome mum for not aborting, so holy that it should be considered a good deed. But have you ever thought of how great is the responsibility of growing up a child? Have you even thought of parenting them? Guiding them? How are you going to guide them while you don't even able to guide yourself?

Aborting infants seem damn cruel, inhumane, and so evil. But if you know that you have no characteristic and determination to become a parent. Please do so, it will be good for the unborn child. Never letting him/her to come to this cruel world would serve him/her best.

Having seeing her growing from a 1 month old baby to 3 months old baby to 1 year old child and now she's in kinder-garden, pre-school. Often saw her sadness in her face, cute and adorable, but yet I felt she's pity and helpless, being thrown here and there. No one wanting her, like a unwanted toy being pushed around.

Without love and care, what would you become in the future? Shall I be strict on you? Shall I be good to you? I do not know.

To you I might be the closest siblings, your big brother, the one who cherish you most. Often laying your head on my shoulder when hugging you. Always trying to get attention from me and wanted to stick with me. I love you too.

For I have know your upcoming journey will be a stormy and unclear and harsh. What's more you can do? You are already here, I will just by your side accompanying you throughout my last breath. Being truthful, I wish you were never here, so you would not be suffering on this imbalance life in this incomplete family.

I promise that I will be there as long as I am still capable of, don't let me down, be a good one, be a good one, sha du sha du sha du.....

Dilemma

It's Friday night, yet I stayed at home doing nothing. Blogging and leaving tonnes of unread books lying on the floor in the room.

Has recently felt a lot of unease in my mind. Financial, relationship, personal interest, career advancement, future, game plan, and family affairs.

Financial;

My mum used to tell me the more you earn the more you spend, which I don't really understand until recently. Yea.. earn quite decently but has then spend a lot more than previously. Everything now for me cost hundred or thousand.

Relationship;

It has been complicated, being sentenced to lifetime imprison is no better than hanging me to death. Might be the she just need time to focus on other things. Doesn't know if it's my fault or not. It's definitely torturous. But I willing to wait, willing to spend my time on it. Definitely I will. Let's be positive =)

Personal Interest;

I would really like to improve myself in any aspect. But time seems so limited and I started to procrastinate again and again. I need to pick myself up again and start to improve. In term of soft skills and technical skill whatsoever. I need to upgrade.

Career advancement;

Moving too slow or shall I say already stagnant for a long time. Nothing much advance. Many asked me if I think it's too much of waste to give up IT. Well.. it's always my wish to be back in IT industry. I will I vow, this year will be my year to advance myself in career and personal interest.

Future;

My future is purely lye on my personal interest and career advancement. Financially I believe it's in a stable mode. I just hope for a simple yet interesting life. =)

Game plan;

It's been my wish to able to be the top player instead of being look as a small fringe player. I will be the indispensable player in three years time.

Family affairs;

I have enough. I only care about my atomic family, I couldn't think too much on this nucleous family affairs.. Stop giving me trouble and let me stay in peace.

God bless. Om Mane Padme Hom. Amen. Amitabha. FUCK THE WORLD!

I'm upset.....

I have been very upset with the problem I face right until now. Why can't they think wiser? Why I have to do all the shits they left over.. Please stop complaining about each other.. why not start compromising each other?

I'm the younger generation. I do not know what I can do to educate you all. Your disagreement will only leads to our miserable life. Yelling each other is not a solution definitely. You need to talk, please talk to each other. Have faith and have trust.

Living in this restrained world. Restrained from this and from that. What can I do? Accompanying you all is not a good solution. I am very headache and heartache. I felt stagnant. I have not move since then. I have to start moving again. I will be moving again. I vow to bring my generation moving along with me. I can't be stagnant anymore.

Call me whatever negative things as you want. You all think about it. I'm done. I will move on from now on. Whatever you think no longer important to me anymore.