I can't stand it anymore

Seriously I can't take it anymore, I really don't know where to release my tension except using this blog.

Why the hell do I have to stucked between my old folks. Did they ever think of me? Think of my future?

Why do I have to handle every single thing for them. Can I have my little own world where I can start my own life?

Seriously I can't any middle point. I have care so much about the feeling of you both, who cares about me?

I have to even take care the future of both siblings. I have to scold them.

I have to do so many things that I don't even have some space for me to think about myself.

You think it's fair? And now both of you push me to even care about the relationship between you both!

HEY GIVE ME A BREAK CAN'T YOU BOTH?

I'M A MERE HUMAN TOO! I TOO HAVE THE CHOOCE OF BEING SELFISH.

STOP MAKING STUPID ARGUEMENT LIKE WHAT TO EAT, WHERE TO GO, YOU BOTH DISCUSS DONT PUSH THE FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY TO ME! WHATEVER DECISION CANT PLEASE U BOTH! I'M OLD ENOUGH TO BE SELFISH!

YOU BOTH MAKES ME CANT BREATH ANYMORE! FUCK U BOTH!

Done

Up til now, I have no idea what kind of live am I living and what kind of direction am I heading to.

This is so bad as I do not see much progression this year. The company has lost without even benchmark for growth.

How I wish I could take over the lead of the company and set my own goal and drive the organization forward.

I couldn't talk anymore. I am so fed up.

Done

Tired

Exhausted.

I do not know what to do anymore, instruction overridden, unclear objective, unclear relationship, unclear working status, unclear future.

I do not wish to continue like this anyway, time spent seems not so worthwhile.

I have no idea what to do anymore.

It has halted.

I want to stop

Reminder

"People who are very successful have an incredible sense of optimism," says Joan Kane, a Manhattan psychologist who treats many a high-powered executive. "They don't have the sense of limitations that most people have. There's no limit to their capacity to achieve and keep going. Age and family commitments don't deter them."

Unbounded optimism. Insatiable need to win. These are but two characteristics of the stratospherically wealthy. There are many more.

It takes serious guts to abandon the comforts of an office, a two-week paycheck and a decent health care package to start a small business, let alone build an empire. Billionaires have a confidence bordering on arrogance that checks their fear and doubt--even as the bets grow larger and more complicated. Put another way, they have an uncanny ability to shrug off failure.

"Highly successful entrepreneurs view failure as a way to gather data," says psychologist David Ballard, head of the American Psychological Association Health Workplace Program. "That's how they learn. It's part of the process instead of being the end of road."

Do you have billionaire DNA and just don't know it yet? Before you set off on a course for prodigious wealth (and risk ruining your life in the process), ask yourself 13 hard questions, inspired by Ballard, Kane and executive psychologist Debra Condren, who has worked with the likes of 3M, Chevron and Hewlett-Packard. Here are just a few (for the complete list, see our slideshow:

Why Go Big At All?

Mapping out your long-term goals for the business is critical before you decide to kick growth into high gear. Aiming to sell out in a few years? Fine. Suffused with competitive desire? Okay. Just want to be left alone to trick out your product, with little care for the bottom line? Stay small.

Family

I wonder why the hell my mum need to complains every single thing she does. There's maid at her expense. No need to do all those cooking, washing, and chores. Everyday when I'm back certainly there's complain, which makes me sick of it. I really don't wish to live such life. It's sickening. Let the daily chores runs itself, don't bother anymore. Everyday also complain and complain and complain nobody helps, I wonder if all her sons and daughter to be there to help her chores would make her better. Come on... we too need a life, we need to plan for our future, sitting at home won't help... Let the chores run itself please. I'm tired of those complains.

Birthday?

I'm used to be good organizing other people ones. But mine? I am not sure. Guess no one will remember. Like serious. Preparing cake? Present? Atmosphere? Invitation, who to and who not to. Giving faces to attend theirs. Guess world is just not fair. Yes, the world has never been fair. Guess I'll just need to bare with it. Don't you think so? Yea I believe so.

Believe it or not. For 24 years or maybe when I start to have my own thinking being, I never had someone I really wish to celebrate my birthday with alongside with me. Haha.. what a joke, seems everything is fading away. Very often I do felt myself being under appreciated.

I just wish to have someone that appreciate me. Seems this person is hard to get.

It's tiring to think what to do on birthday. Who to invite, who to ask, where to go, what to do. Why not there's some one who will arrange for me?

Keep on dreaming k? Time to sleep. Nights

Midnight Thought

Marriage; as simple as everyone thought, it's all about I love you and you love me. Often neglecting what matter the most in marriage, it is thought to be very fun and romantic and happily ever after kind of fairy tale. Which I shall say, it is not as easy as it thought, it is a fairly complex and involved numerous parties of people. Some times I really think "Idol-Drama" deliver a very wrong message to their viewer, which I highly do not recommend people to watch. It's plain...... "fairy-tale".

It is indeed a promise to take care the other half as long as you live. Committed to each other and stay loyal. Being loyal has always be a problem for human being, however controllable by limiting your space in fantasizing. Commitment, how much commitment can you pour into your marriage? I doubt anyone thought of it. Can you trade your time, career, opportunity and personal interest for this marriage, it's just vice versa for husband and wife.

This has not come to financial burden, family affairs, friendship and not to forget another commitment for your heirs, yes, PARENT-ing. Which is certainly the most important if not vital for the child. I truly believe in giving my offspring the best, in term of a good childhood, education, fatherhood, and being with them when they grow. Which I sorely missed most of it from my childhood.

Having a cousin growing up from a broken family, I saw the unhappiness inside her though she's just three years old. Some times people argued for abort or not to abort, thinking in short term, you would be an awesome mum for not aborting, so holy that it should be considered a good deed. But have you ever thought of how great is the responsibility of growing up a child? Have you even thought of parenting them? Guiding them? How are you going to guide them while you don't even able to guide yourself?

Aborting infants seem damn cruel, inhumane, and so evil. But if you know that you have no characteristic and determination to become a parent. Please do so, it will be good for the unborn child. Never letting him/her to come to this cruel world would serve him/her best.

Having seeing her growing from a 1 month old baby to 3 months old baby to 1 year old child and now she's in kinder-garden, pre-school. Often saw her sadness in her face, cute and adorable, but yet I felt she's pity and helpless, being thrown here and there. No one wanting her, like a unwanted toy being pushed around.

Without love and care, what would you become in the future? Shall I be strict on you? Shall I be good to you? I do not know.

To you I might be the closest siblings, your big brother, the one who cherish you most. Often laying your head on my shoulder when hugging you. Always trying to get attention from me and wanted to stick with me. I love you too.

For I have know your upcoming journey will be a stormy and unclear and harsh. What's more you can do? You are already here, I will just by your side accompanying you throughout my last breath. Being truthful, I wish you were never here, so you would not be suffering on this imbalance life in this incomplete family.

I promise that I will be there as long as I am still capable of, don't let me down, be a good one, be a good one, sha du sha du sha du.....

Dilemma

It's Friday night, yet I stayed at home doing nothing. Blogging and leaving tonnes of unread books lying on the floor in the room.

Has recently felt a lot of unease in my mind. Financial, relationship, personal interest, career advancement, future, game plan, and family affairs.

Financial;

My mum used to tell me the more you earn the more you spend, which I don't really understand until recently. Yea.. earn quite decently but has then spend a lot more than previously. Everything now for me cost hundred or thousand.

Relationship;

It has been complicated, being sentenced to lifetime imprison is no better than hanging me to death. Might be the she just need time to focus on other things. Doesn't know if it's my fault or not. It's definitely torturous. But I willing to wait, willing to spend my time on it. Definitely I will. Let's be positive =)

Personal Interest;

I would really like to improve myself in any aspect. But time seems so limited and I started to procrastinate again and again. I need to pick myself up again and start to improve. In term of soft skills and technical skill whatsoever. I need to upgrade.

Career advancement;

Moving too slow or shall I say already stagnant for a long time. Nothing much advance. Many asked me if I think it's too much of waste to give up IT. Well.. it's always my wish to be back in IT industry. I will I vow, this year will be my year to advance myself in career and personal interest.

Future;

My future is purely lye on my personal interest and career advancement. Financially I believe it's in a stable mode. I just hope for a simple yet interesting life. =)

Game plan;

It's been my wish to able to be the top player instead of being look as a small fringe player. I will be the indispensable player in three years time.

Family affairs;

I have enough. I only care about my atomic family, I couldn't think too much on this nucleous family affairs.. Stop giving me trouble and let me stay in peace.

God bless. Om Mane Padme Hom. Amen. Amitabha. FUCK THE WORLD!

I'm upset.....

I have been very upset with the problem I face right until now. Why can't they think wiser? Why I have to do all the shits they left over.. Please stop complaining about each other.. why not start compromising each other?

I'm the younger generation. I do not know what I can do to educate you all. Your disagreement will only leads to our miserable life. Yelling each other is not a solution definitely. You need to talk, please talk to each other. Have faith and have trust.

Living in this restrained world. Restrained from this and from that. What can I do? Accompanying you all is not a good solution. I am very headache and heartache. I felt stagnant. I have not move since then. I have to start moving again. I will be moving again. I vow to bring my generation moving along with me. I can't be stagnant anymore.

Call me whatever negative things as you want. You all think about it. I'm done. I will move on from now on. Whatever you think no longer important to me anymore.

What happened so far?

Happy new year!! Year 2010!

Where am I by then? Back from JB to KL and the next day to Ipoh, seems I really become a traveler, why the hell am I not listen to older people say don't move away from table while eating dinner. I brought my plate going here and there and running from television to computer. That's why... Now.. I wish I could just sit in office and reach home by 5, date people I like most after 5. Seems not that possible for the coming weeks, months or years.

Back from JB getting all excited to being able to meet you up and the new year eve and spend it along with you. But I have always not able catch you, it just seems I can't really predict what you thinking. Haha

Fetching you towards to trip seems is the only way I can meet up with you. Wishing you could sit besides me, but you shifted to the back, hmmm.... Why so? Something up? I'm not sure but surely glad you are with me.

But still I don't know what you thinking too, speaking of your ex being whichever good, which I thought ain't I did it too, though not 100% at least there's 60% haha don't I? I shall keep silent. Before we started our journey, I gave you a pair of earring as a present from S'pore or xmas! Nice isn't it?

Trip was alright, fun too! Though not all 100% by your side. As long as it's in a group. What's more I can ask more? Haha, doing on purpose neglecting you, you do show you mind for me neglecting you. Haha sweet victory isn't it? On purposely asking Priscilla is she cold? Why not you? Haha I smell slightest vinegar taste. Or might it be I just think too much.

So... I sometimes wonder if you have any feeling for me? You purred like a little cat when no one is around. But coldly treated me when there's people around. It's... confusing.

Time flies... and you were busy with your life and work. Only able to meet you up at clubs.. I wonder what can I do to improve the relationship? There's very little.

Things started to go wrong when your SMS didn't reach my phone. Arriving your place without knowing you didn't need me anymore.. I felt so restless and somehow disappointed.

Ignoring you at club, put no attention towards you. Playing so crazy ignoring you. Resulting? I am not sure..

I hope you are not angry, I hope you are not. Not in the mood writing anymore... I seriously cannot catch what are you thinking. Might you really want to concentrate in work. That's the most positive way I can think of, I hope everything will be as same as last time...