A year have passed and what have happened since 1/1/2008 and how it shall reflect the year 2009?
Everything passed so fast that I don’t realize that it’s already 2009, from my struggling during the same date back 365 days ago. Shall I work with my dad or shall I go out from the protection and what I think (foolishly) that helping my dad is something not so good for my future. I have completed the cycle of living outside world and now I think I’m really foolish that wasted my time one year to help other people, and now in conjunction of this blog log I’m announcing that I will start helping my dad officially today (though nothing much to do now), so if you manage to read this lengthy post, please do not ask me anymore about my job. Anyway, if you need helps in web development I guess I still can help.
A bit lost since then, when I finally get my job on my first attempt on my job search during last year. When I first got to that place, it really took away quite a lot of my expectation of my first job. It’s a very very old building with all the printing companies and factories surrounding it. No sight of white collar workers around. I feel like retreating from the interview and give whatever lame reasons for them, but I convinced myself to go up to the company to have a shot or even practice my interview.
If I remember correctly, the interview really impresses me a lot. The business development and marketing manager brag all the way and I believed all the way, while she’s also impressed with my “selling points”, she urged me to wait for the director’s call for a second interview. I waited until a few days before CNY, and have met him and again I’m so impressed with his knowledge and his pledges towards the company and how he wants it to grow and expand to America.
So I started my job since, I’m still very convinced that I chose the right company, I think it’s worthwhile to stay in a small company and learn more instead of going to the big company, learning a structural knowledge. But I can tell myself now that I’m so wrong that I chose not to join the big company and not learning their structural way of working things out. Why so? The small company is no good? I can’t say they are 100% no good, no matter what I still learned a lot of new stuff that most of my friends failed to learn. The good part is that I learned a lot of technology (and mostly is programming) be it on Open Source or Microsoft. But still… it is not what I really wants, and those who know me well know I do not like programming.
For what I praised in my previous year review (year 2007), that Hybrid module I took is a good choice for me, but now think again, it’s actually not the best choice. I ignored the fact that the world is now very much emphasize on specialization. I failed to fully specialize on programming and I fail to specialize in total management too. In other word, if I continue like this, I tend to fail in the future too!
Another hate and love affair in my 10 months of working life span in the company I joined, is that I have to learn everything by myself. Regardless it’s business process or new programming language or whatsoever stuff, and let’s be fair, the director do teach me, but it’s just not what I expect. There are too much stuff to learn in a short time and what’s more? The perfection he requires is clearly off from the range I can offer, be it I am not capable to fulfill his requirement, be it I did it on purpose, or be it I’m lazy.
For months I have drown in the “geeks” world, reading only technology articles, search only forums for solutions, and update on technology only. I have totally forgotten that what I yearn to learn is business operation, how to grow business and how to manage business. I failed to learn any from there or at least I learn how important is management towards a corporation. I learned how to be a good leader, I learned what does it mean by employees’ morale, I learn that scolding is not the only way of doing it. Which has changed how I treat people, why? Because when I see my boss, I see my own self few years back, which reminds me when I’m still in a group with Siew Wai, Thererick, and Eugene. I am totally “African-Monk” to them.
During the initial months, I passed my probation in 3 months! YES! I got a laptop from the company. YES!! (I bought an iPhone too). I got special project allowance which makes my salary goes so high, that makes me really want to stay there for long.
Everything seems so fine at there (at least until July), the environment is so friendly, I have a few colleague which really tags along. But slowly, everyone I know (when I entered to this company) has leaved the company for “ugly” reason, which I seriously think that the employers overlook it, they do not play a good role, how do they expect people to do the same? What’s more? I become the lonely bird there, waiting time pass by, even my assistant has left (sacked?), leaving me totally alone helplessly doing all the work alone.
From there I really know what is does the elderly said “Think before you speak”, it seems that my ex-employer do not really think before they speaks, the way they talk has always have “bone”, what really makes me sick and start to under-perform (on purpose or not) is when my superior accused that my assistant is not a reliable person, he’s a lazy person, and have no responsibility. If my ex-employer got to read this blog. I’m telling you now that, he’s a good person, he’s a reliable person, he’s a responsible person, he’s not someone you said. He’s the one who helped me until 3 am on his last day. If he’s not the person I believe he is, he will go off at 6 pm, what more he care about it?
What’s more? My allowance has suddenly vanished, without any official discussion. The director always said that the superior has no need to tell whatever decision he made. I think this is something that really create the uneasiness in the environment. You made no conversation with me for cutting my allowance, how do you expect me to follow you anymore? Furthermore, you said you want to take back the laptop and provide it a freelancer. I do not think I can stay with the company anymore. In addition telling me that sacking my assistant for the reason that U.S has fall into recession and client wanted to cut cost and yet hired a fresh grad within a month after my assistant left. Be it I think too much or I care too much. I do not like it.
Forcing me to understand a problematic business process and fit the customize software to the unacceptable business process and blame me for not analyzing the business process properly is always what I got to do there. The structure of the data is not even a systematic one, and using string manipulation to determine the grade is totally stupid if the string has no proper format. Requirement creeping in on each time deployment. Guess what? You don’t even know what is requirement creeping, how are you going to be a good software house? Don’t tell me what business point of view and technical point of view, but you always over look the HR point of view and the company KB point of view. You only know how to take more enhancement, and making the project running out from schedule. You miscalculate (at least from my POV).
And last but not least from the employer, you hurt my confidence in I.T, calling me to quit I.T and not to lag the industry. Well, I have struggled for a few weeks with your “advice”, and yes, I will leave I.T and continue my path in I.C.T (an uncle told me, what is I.T and I.C.T) and excel to let you see that I am capable and you shall keep back your word. I’ll prove it! I definitely will!
That’s all for the working stuff (which have occupied most of my time of 2008).
What’s love? I do not feel love for the whole year. But I do have some affection on some girls. Do I have any target? Yes, I always have affection for a few girls, and will always do (at least when I’m still single :P).
I bought a Coach for someone’s birthday. LOL. I must note down this as this is the first time I bought a Coach for someone. She’s damn happy. LOL. Are you still using it?
Skipping sleeps just to accompany someone’s birthday. Duh…
Basically after that I have no life at all, not to say to have a crush, the chances to get near a female is also limited. Due to? Work… Seriously WTF? Until recently after I quit my job, I got to get closer to someone, someone and someone. Haha I enjoyed every single moment, I’m not sure if you do? It doesn’t matter I’m tired or not, happy time spent is just worthwhile. I hope it can last though… but well… hmm… aihz… sigh…
I have go through a healthy life for the past erm… half year, 1st half of 2008 where I will practice yoga along with my mum on Sunday. But stopped around September I guess, if I’m not wrong and started an unhealthy life by eating mamak everyday for lunch and take overdose of sugar when it’s just too stress. The consequences? A belly. DAMN!
I am going to exercise more in the year 2009 and get rid of the tummy! I will I definitely will!
How about family affair? Everything is so well in the year 2008 (at least my atomic family) and would love to have a better one this year! There are some problem from maternal family side and problem starting to get solve from paternal family. See… everything is related to money, MONEY is very important to me to be able to solve all this problem, which is one of the reason why I chose to work with my dad in the year 2009. I want a happy family, I do not want to see suffering among them.
After so many complaining about the year on 2008, there are also sweet time in the bitterness. I seriously would like to thanks my ex-employer to direct me to the technology line, which now I can adapt on new technology without problem (might you planned, or not), I seriously would like to thank you.
For my parents, thank you for being so supportive.
For my siblings, be a good person in the future, don’t just play and play and play.
For myself? Cherish yourself more, more than anyone else!
Did I go to any places for vacation? Yes! I did! To MELAKA! I know, I know, I know, it might sounds so……… near for some people and you might go there even it’s just weekend.
A memorable trip, went with the U.B.i. But met some empty boasting people there. 16GB RAM in desktop =.=’’ WTF? LOL? 10k per month but CC not approve? LOL Seriously… I wanted to laugh out loud! LOL!
Temporary stop here! It’s getting late now. I better go to sleep now. I promise I will upload pictures to beautify this post! Adios!
