I can't stand it anymore

Seriously I can't take it anymore, I really don't know where to release my tension except using this blog.

Why the hell do I have to stucked between my old folks. Did they ever think of me? Think of my future?

Why do I have to handle every single thing for them. Can I have my little own world where I can start my own life?

Seriously I can't any middle point. I have care so much about the feeling of you both, who cares about me?

I have to even take care the future of both siblings. I have to scold them.

I have to do so many things that I don't even have some space for me to think about myself.

You think it's fair? And now both of you push me to even care about the relationship between you both!

HEY GIVE ME A BREAK CAN'T YOU BOTH?

I'M A MERE HUMAN TOO! I TOO HAVE THE CHOOCE OF BEING SELFISH.

STOP MAKING STUPID ARGUEMENT LIKE WHAT TO EAT, WHERE TO GO, YOU BOTH DISCUSS DONT PUSH THE FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY TO ME! WHATEVER DECISION CANT PLEASE U BOTH! I'M OLD ENOUGH TO BE SELFISH!

YOU BOTH MAKES ME CANT BREATH ANYMORE! FUCK U BOTH!

Done

Up til now, I have no idea what kind of live am I living and what kind of direction am I heading to.

This is so bad as I do not see much progression this year. The company has lost without even benchmark for growth.

How I wish I could take over the lead of the company and set my own goal and drive the organization forward.

I couldn't talk anymore. I am so fed up.

Done

Tired

Exhausted.

I do not know what to do anymore, instruction overridden, unclear objective, unclear relationship, unclear working status, unclear future.

I do not wish to continue like this anyway, time spent seems not so worthwhile.

I have no idea what to do anymore.

It has halted.

I want to stop

Reminder

"People who are very successful have an incredible sense of optimism," says Joan Kane, a Manhattan psychologist who treats many a high-powered executive. "They don't have the sense of limitations that most people have. There's no limit to their capacity to achieve and keep going. Age and family commitments don't deter them."

Unbounded optimism. Insatiable need to win. These are but two characteristics of the stratospherically wealthy. There are many more.

It takes serious guts to abandon the comforts of an office, a two-week paycheck and a decent health care package to start a small business, let alone build an empire. Billionaires have a confidence bordering on arrogance that checks their fear and doubt--even as the bets grow larger and more complicated. Put another way, they have an uncanny ability to shrug off failure.

"Highly successful entrepreneurs view failure as a way to gather data," says psychologist David Ballard, head of the American Psychological Association Health Workplace Program. "That's how they learn. It's part of the process instead of being the end of road."

Do you have billionaire DNA and just don't know it yet? Before you set off on a course for prodigious wealth (and risk ruining your life in the process), ask yourself 13 hard questions, inspired by Ballard, Kane and executive psychologist Debra Condren, who has worked with the likes of 3M, Chevron and Hewlett-Packard. Here are just a few (for the complete list, see our slideshow:

Why Go Big At All?

Mapping out your long-term goals for the business is critical before you decide to kick growth into high gear. Aiming to sell out in a few years? Fine. Suffused with competitive desire? Okay. Just want to be left alone to trick out your product, with little care for the bottom line? Stay small.

Family

I wonder why the hell my mum need to complains every single thing she does. There's maid at her expense. No need to do all those cooking, washing, and chores. Everyday when I'm back certainly there's complain, which makes me sick of it. I really don't wish to live such life. It's sickening. Let the daily chores runs itself, don't bother anymore. Everyday also complain and complain and complain nobody helps, I wonder if all her sons and daughter to be there to help her chores would make her better. Come on... we too need a life, we need to plan for our future, sitting at home won't help... Let the chores run itself please. I'm tired of those complains.

Birthday?

I'm used to be good organizing other people ones. But mine? I am not sure. Guess no one will remember. Like serious. Preparing cake? Present? Atmosphere? Invitation, who to and who not to. Giving faces to attend theirs. Guess world is just not fair. Yes, the world has never been fair. Guess I'll just need to bare with it. Don't you think so? Yea I believe so.

Believe it or not. For 24 years or maybe when I start to have my own thinking being, I never had someone I really wish to celebrate my birthday with alongside with me. Haha.. what a joke, seems everything is fading away. Very often I do felt myself being under appreciated.

I just wish to have someone that appreciate me. Seems this person is hard to get.

It's tiring to think what to do on birthday. Who to invite, who to ask, where to go, what to do. Why not there's some one who will arrange for me?

Keep on dreaming k? Time to sleep. Nights

Midnight Thought

Marriage; as simple as everyone thought, it's all about I love you and you love me. Often neglecting what matter the most in marriage, it is thought to be very fun and romantic and happily ever after kind of fairy tale. Which I shall say, it is not as easy as it thought, it is a fairly complex and involved numerous parties of people. Some times I really think "Idol-Drama" deliver a very wrong message to their viewer, which I highly do not recommend people to watch. It's plain...... "fairy-tale".

It is indeed a promise to take care the other half as long as you live. Committed to each other and stay loyal. Being loyal has always be a problem for human being, however controllable by limiting your space in fantasizing. Commitment, how much commitment can you pour into your marriage? I doubt anyone thought of it. Can you trade your time, career, opportunity and personal interest for this marriage, it's just vice versa for husband and wife.

This has not come to financial burden, family affairs, friendship and not to forget another commitment for your heirs, yes, PARENT-ing. Which is certainly the most important if not vital for the child. I truly believe in giving my offspring the best, in term of a good childhood, education, fatherhood, and being with them when they grow. Which I sorely missed most of it from my childhood.

Having a cousin growing up from a broken family, I saw the unhappiness inside her though she's just three years old. Some times people argued for abort or not to abort, thinking in short term, you would be an awesome mum for not aborting, so holy that it should be considered a good deed. But have you ever thought of how great is the responsibility of growing up a child? Have you even thought of parenting them? Guiding them? How are you going to guide them while you don't even able to guide yourself?

Aborting infants seem damn cruel, inhumane, and so evil. But if you know that you have no characteristic and determination to become a parent. Please do so, it will be good for the unborn child. Never letting him/her to come to this cruel world would serve him/her best.

Having seeing her growing from a 1 month old baby to 3 months old baby to 1 year old child and now she's in kinder-garden, pre-school. Often saw her sadness in her face, cute and adorable, but yet I felt she's pity and helpless, being thrown here and there. No one wanting her, like a unwanted toy being pushed around.

Without love and care, what would you become in the future? Shall I be strict on you? Shall I be good to you? I do not know.

To you I might be the closest siblings, your big brother, the one who cherish you most. Often laying your head on my shoulder when hugging you. Always trying to get attention from me and wanted to stick with me. I love you too.

For I have know your upcoming journey will be a stormy and unclear and harsh. What's more you can do? You are already here, I will just by your side accompanying you throughout my last breath. Being truthful, I wish you were never here, so you would not be suffering on this imbalance life in this incomplete family.

I promise that I will be there as long as I am still capable of, don't let me down, be a good one, be a good one, sha du sha du sha du.....

Dilemma

It's Friday night, yet I stayed at home doing nothing. Blogging and leaving tonnes of unread books lying on the floor in the room.

Has recently felt a lot of unease in my mind. Financial, relationship, personal interest, career advancement, future, game plan, and family affairs.

Financial;

My mum used to tell me the more you earn the more you spend, which I don't really understand until recently. Yea.. earn quite decently but has then spend a lot more than previously. Everything now for me cost hundred or thousand.

Relationship;

It has been complicated, being sentenced to lifetime imprison is no better than hanging me to death. Might be the she just need time to focus on other things. Doesn't know if it's my fault or not. It's definitely torturous. But I willing to wait, willing to spend my time on it. Definitely I will. Let's be positive =)

Personal Interest;

I would really like to improve myself in any aspect. But time seems so limited and I started to procrastinate again and again. I need to pick myself up again and start to improve. In term of soft skills and technical skill whatsoever. I need to upgrade.

Career advancement;

Moving too slow or shall I say already stagnant for a long time. Nothing much advance. Many asked me if I think it's too much of waste to give up IT. Well.. it's always my wish to be back in IT industry. I will I vow, this year will be my year to advance myself in career and personal interest.

Future;

My future is purely lye on my personal interest and career advancement. Financially I believe it's in a stable mode. I just hope for a simple yet interesting life. =)

Game plan;

It's been my wish to able to be the top player instead of being look as a small fringe player. I will be the indispensable player in three years time.

Family affairs;

I have enough. I only care about my atomic family, I couldn't think too much on this nucleous family affairs.. Stop giving me trouble and let me stay in peace.

God bless. Om Mane Padme Hom. Amen. Amitabha. FUCK THE WORLD!

I'm upset.....

I have been very upset with the problem I face right until now. Why can't they think wiser? Why I have to do all the shits they left over.. Please stop complaining about each other.. why not start compromising each other?

I'm the younger generation. I do not know what I can do to educate you all. Your disagreement will only leads to our miserable life. Yelling each other is not a solution definitely. You need to talk, please talk to each other. Have faith and have trust.

Living in this restrained world. Restrained from this and from that. What can I do? Accompanying you all is not a good solution. I am very headache and heartache. I felt stagnant. I have not move since then. I have to start moving again. I will be moving again. I vow to bring my generation moving along with me. I can't be stagnant anymore.

Call me whatever negative things as you want. You all think about it. I'm done. I will move on from now on. Whatever you think no longer important to me anymore.

What happened so far?

Happy new year!! Year 2010!

Where am I by then? Back from JB to KL and the next day to Ipoh, seems I really become a traveler, why the hell am I not listen to older people say don't move away from table while eating dinner. I brought my plate going here and there and running from television to computer. That's why... Now.. I wish I could just sit in office and reach home by 5, date people I like most after 5. Seems not that possible for the coming weeks, months or years.

Back from JB getting all excited to being able to meet you up and the new year eve and spend it along with you. But I have always not able catch you, it just seems I can't really predict what you thinking. Haha

Fetching you towards to trip seems is the only way I can meet up with you. Wishing you could sit besides me, but you shifted to the back, hmmm.... Why so? Something up? I'm not sure but surely glad you are with me.

But still I don't know what you thinking too, speaking of your ex being whichever good, which I thought ain't I did it too, though not 100% at least there's 60% haha don't I? I shall keep silent. Before we started our journey, I gave you a pair of earring as a present from S'pore or xmas! Nice isn't it?

Trip was alright, fun too! Though not all 100% by your side. As long as it's in a group. What's more I can ask more? Haha, doing on purpose neglecting you, you do show you mind for me neglecting you. Haha sweet victory isn't it? On purposely asking Priscilla is she cold? Why not you? Haha I smell slightest vinegar taste. Or might it be I just think too much.

So... I sometimes wonder if you have any feeling for me? You purred like a little cat when no one is around. But coldly treated me when there's people around. It's... confusing.

Time flies... and you were busy with your life and work. Only able to meet you up at clubs.. I wonder what can I do to improve the relationship? There's very little.

Things started to go wrong when your SMS didn't reach my phone. Arriving your place without knowing you didn't need me anymore.. I felt so restless and somehow disappointed.

Ignoring you at club, put no attention towards you. Playing so crazy ignoring you. Resulting? I am not sure..

I hope you are not angry, I hope you are not. Not in the mood writing anymore... I seriously cannot catch what are you thinking. Might you really want to concentrate in work. That's the most positive way I can think of, I hope everything will be as same as last time...

2010 New Year Resolution.

Do you have one? I have one everyone.. but I doubt I able to achieve 20% of it. So I hope the next year one will be a realistic one and achievable. Let's not setting too much 1o nos is adequate.

Guess it would be too late for me to learn Chinese. I give up on this.

Learning new programming language need a lot of practices. No time for this. Give up.

Reading books, cut my internet if you want me to do so.

1. Be more patient.
2. Emphasize on the company documentation of any project. Create templates for different type, scale, and documenting problem, solution, and avoidance.
3. Properly plan for future. Company road map in 3 years time.
4. Proper finance management. Manage the portfolio nicely, calculate the returns in 5 years time.
5. Waste no time.

That's for the time being.

Xmas has come!

Merry Xmas. Shall I get anything for myself?

Another falldown

Was really happy for able to come back to KL for some holiday. I'm even more happy to know that I am able to go out with you! Say I am naive, simple minded, or stupid, I don't mind. To be able to go out with you, is my biggest wish, at least for now. Ever remember the very last time where I screwed up, by sending you 99 roses on the 09/09/09. I thought we were so unfamiliar. I tried to make it back, I did, I am happy that you allow me to bring back our familiarity back to or better than previously was.

Was worried I wasn't able to make it on time while I was having a decent breakfast with my family. I was so rush that I wanted to see you on the spot. Arriving at 110pm, which I got your SMS earlier to reach by 110pm. I'm glad that I didn't late. Poor you, you said your hand got cut by the contact lens cover. I wonder if your wound has become better? I hope so. Went to fetch Rainbow, and you say you don't want to be late. I used KESAS highway to reach Sunway Pyramid before 200pm. YES! I didn't disappoint you. I really hope I will never disappoint you in any single way.

Though it's a bit "don't know what to do" but still I am very happy to be able to go out with you although it's a group outing. Seriously! I love it! You said you are hungry, and I asked you not to have too much food as gastric might strike you again, but silly me, I went to order so much! Seafood plater, sashimi, sushi and others, I'm so bloated! I just enjoy the time we are having the meal!! It was a fantastic time to be able to eat with you! You seems to happy to be able to eat that much. Luckily gastric didn't strike you.

We went to the movie. Though we are not sitting to each other, but I'm grateful to be able to watch the movie with you. To be frank! I wish this could happens everyday!! I WISH! I DO WISH!

Then we went to LowYat for some Thai food, Bangkok Jam, haha it's a nice place, but also pricey. You seems to have a very nice chatting with your best buddies. Me too enjoy listening to your story. After a while, Rainbow asked why am I look so.... serious? Well... I'm glad that you answer for me, yea.. my face is like that, can't be helped. We went to KK Mart nearby Bkt Bintang to get some wines, I gave you my wallet when you ask me to pay first, do you know my intention? Hope you do. Something made me even happier is that you were so caring that when my nose seems running, you asked Rainbow if she has tissue paper, and you pass it to me. I really felt so "melted". Haha

Arrived to my house and we all drink to you seems so drunk. Laughing like just had drug. We played some stupid games. Exciting? Well.. certainly. You seems drunk, so after cleaning up the mess, I sent you home. You reminds me please do not use Mines highway, hahaha you seems really remember that situation. Sent you home and you said SMS you when I arrive. I wanted to call you but somehow my line got barred. I called you using my house line, you said you nearly do not want to pick up cos it's a anonymous number. Again I'm glad you picked up.

I really wanted to see you even more. Though we spent more than 12 hours together on that day itself. I leverage what you have said to Diana, you want to go to Phuture. I plan it, and make it going. I never know that you were so tired on the night itself. What certainly makes my day again is that we wore the same color attire! WOAH!!! But it seems doesn't help either right?

You seems just ignore me in the club. I wonder.

You said nothing. You just don't feel comfortable with the air inside. I must be thinking too much. Thinking that you might not like I dance with Rainbow? Diana? Haha well I think I am drunk that night. I also wonder why am I so obsess with you? I drive so slow that I am like not interested to send you home. But I have to, I just drive slowly. Atmosphere seems weird, I really wanted you to be with me. You ask me to talk whatever I want to talk and we did some heart to heart talk. You said you hate people being materialistic, did I do that? Please forgive me if I did so.

Disappointing.

You said you are not confident to start a new journey. I have lost confident in guys. Why is it so? I am not sure. But I hope I can penetrate it, open up your mind and be your man. Taking good care of you. I left with a hole in my heart. Sent you home and said bye. When I am back I sent an SMS trying to clarify on my action previously. You said I think too much, which I hope I did. I am glad that we can still go out next time and treat you on some good stuff.

I will continue this journey until the faith brought us apart.........

Leaving

So I got to know that you will be leaving, leaving this world, leaving everything behind. The memories of me together with you is fading away. What can I do now other than memorizing everything and writing it down to myself.

I really can't recall much...

I know you love me, you always do, you love me more than your dearest.

You cherish me more than anyone do.

The way you care me is not comparable with anyone.

You hug me whenever you see me.

You shield me from my mum's rattan.

You protect me from sun and rain.

You ride me to school with your motorcycle.

You gave me money even my mum said not too.

You accompany me until the bell rang.

You accompany me playing with my friend.

You scolded those who bullied me.

You waited me until my school finished.

You brought me for lunch though you are poor.

You bought toys for me.

You gives me the biggest red packet among everyone.

You boil the best soup for Chinese New Year.

You save the best drumstick for me.

You feed me spoon by spoon when I don't want to eat.

You buy me roasted chicken wings for supper.

You scold everyone who scolded me.

You always come to visit me when I'm sick.

You always put your hand on my forehead to check if I'm on fever.

You pursuaded me to take medicine.

You checked my homework although you don't know English.

You sharpened my pencil for me whenever you come.

You check if my color pencils are complete.

You buy every single materials for me when I need it.

You find rare items for me whenever I need it for arts.

You do spelling with me.

You save the best for me.

I miss the feeling of you embracing me.

I miss the feeling of leaning on your shoulder.

You are so proud of me.

You are so proud of me.

You are so proud of me.

You bragged about me in front of everyone.

You are so proud that I got no. 3 overall in standard 3.

You bragged about it.

You bragged about me entering the top notch class during standard 6.

You are so proud when my friends' parent praising me.

You willing to fetch me everyday until I'm fourteen.

I am not a good grandchild.

Forgive me for not being a good grandchild.

Forgive me that I am ashamed you fetched me go and forth when I'm fourteen.

Forgive me for being the proudest grandchild ever, ashaming on you.

Which spells an end to our fond. I am sorry.

Time flies, family affairs change, as I grow elder, you grow older.

Every year you waited my family to eat at your house.

I knew you always wanted to but things just doesn't happen.

Adult, adult, adult, are always foolish.

Yet I have not greeted you in early morning Chinese New Year for years.

You still deliver the red packet to me with wishes.

You said it's OK not to find you, but I know you would love to.

You said go on find your friends, but I know you would like me to stay.

You always wanted me to study to the highest level.

You always wanted me to go oversea.

You always wanted me to go U.K. for furthere my study.

You always wanted me to study more.

You always wanted me to get my Master.

I'm sorry..

I have not wanted to study any higher than a degree.

I have not wanted to go oversea.

I have not even think about going U.K.

I have not wanted to study more.

I have not wanted to get my Master just yet.

And now I have graduated since 2007.

And now I have an honor degree from U.K.

But I have not told you anything.

I didn't informed you that I graduated.

I didn't even take a picture with you though I know you always wanted to.

I regret it.....

Very often I think about you.

But too often I give myself excuses I have no time.

Very often I wanted to buy you something.

But too often I give myself excuses let's buy it next time.

Such an unfilial grandson.

And now I have the financial capability, I bought you clothes, you said you don't need it.

I know you like it. I know you do. I force you to take it. I can see the brightest smile from you since many years ago.

I give you money, you said I shall keep it. Oh.. grandpa, how long more can I give you money?

I just wonder. You said keep it for myself but it would be meaningless to earn thousands and I got no chance to spend on you.

I force you to take it. I can see the brightest smile from you again.

I bought you a birthday cake, you said don't waste such money.

Then why are you wasting so much money on me? You bought me everything I wanted.

I don't care, I force you to come over.

I can see your brightest, happiest, warmest smile from your heart.

I hope we can celebrate again for coming years.

But how many more time? I hope it's not the last one.

Now I know you got cancer, the final stage. What else more can I do?

No one wants to take know about you.

No one even care about you.

Your unfilial sons, my unfilial uncles, have not even care about you.

What can I do?

I always wanted to scold them, I always wanted to fuck them, I always wanted to punch them.

But what can I do?

Your daugther, my mum, taught me to respect every elder no matter what happened.

Grandpa, fear not have no one wants you, I will take care of you.

Grandpa, fear not have no money, I have aplenty, I can take care of you.

Grandpa, fear not have no shelter, I have aplenty, you can stay as long as you can.

Grandpa, fear not to feel unwanted, I always wanted you to be with me.

Month ago, you fell from motorcycle, you were in pain, but you don't want to see a doctor.

Why? Why I have to force you to do everything that is good for you.

And this is not something you will happy about.

.......................................................................................................................

And yesterday I know about the bad news. I still don't know what can I do. Timing is moving so fast, it's really true that time and tide wait for no one, so fast that I wish it will stop for a while. Rewinds back to when I am still young, where you can embrace me and I can lie on your shoulder.

Arrogant

I realized that I have been quite arrogant. For what I have now, I seriously forgot the base. I got money, but I forgot how hard is it to earn it. Is this typical situation for everyone? When you have money you tend to forget how to be humble.

Learn to be humble Allan..

Failed Whale

For I have failed like a failed whale, what shall I do next? Pls gimme another chance.

Feeling

I first saw you in the club with slight affection but something made me tend to not to know you. You changed my mind the second time few hours later when I know it's not your liking too. I reserved my impression on you.

The second time I saw you, I still feel slight affection towards you, you were beautiful that night, we talked, nothing more than a normal conversation. I saw someone trying to go near you, and you feel not so comfortable. I stepped in to interfere, which is so unlike me, who usually don't even bother what happen around me and my friends, would step up for a girl. To an extend I told him that you are my girl. I was stunned by my action and I guess you too. Never thought of being a hero, I ensure he didn't hurts you. As aggressive as he is, I got jokingly hit by him, but I am glad he's away from you. We are just glad that night ends faster rather than later. But I miss out the chance of getting your contact. A pity I must say.

I found you my mutual friend with Gee, I talked to Gee, I added you, but it seems you rejected me. Gee helped me, and we are now friend. Would love to thanks Gee for being so nice conveying my thought toward you. You said you were impressed!! So do I. We started to chat, thought not in deep, we exchanged number, I was so damn happy. You were asking me a favor to fetch you to club. What else more I can say, it's my total pleasure! I would leave any matter to do this favor. We got slightly closer, I know you a lil more. But I guess you just don't know me. It was an happy day! It really was!

As time goes by, I found you a very nice girl to be with. You have your own thought, you were a lil special, your caring towards friend, your positive thinking (or maybe just appearantly), tend to caught my attention. I found you are special too, when the gift you given to your friend is all small, inexpensive, and meaningful. You just caught my heart just like that! Can I find another person just like you in this materialistic world? I doubt so.

It seems I really into you. I find my way to get to know you more. I tried my best to get your attention. So I tried to figured out what you like. Which for an coincident, you said you like Zee Avi. I try my very best to find the CD though I got no time. I asked Alicia, I ask LQ to help me to find the CD, and still I know I couldn't let any chance to flow away, I couldn't let you get it yourself, I go and buy it myself. YES! I have finally bought it, I still hesitate to give it to you. But I told myself, don't let chances to go away just like that. I anxiously considering, and finally I called you, telling you I have something to give you. I am happy to see you stunned and have no words to say! I am very happy!

Days later, you said you were tensioned. You wish to have Haagen Dazs, you didn't told me directly. You posted on FB. Could it be my affection on you have grown? I try my very best to get you one. Which ends up I get you both. You were stunned! You said you appreciate what I done. I hope you know what I feel towards you.

Time passes without waiting. I always wanted to hang out with you and I got another chance. We went to Genting Highland alongside with your best friend. You said you wanted to see the firework, but I doubt I managed to reach there in time. Surprisingly I did managed but too bad we didn't managed to got to see the full firework. Your friend, Diana, argued with bf in the car, you teases her, you teases me, you asked "How much are you going to treasure me?" I really want to tell you "I am going to treasure you as long as you let me to.", I dare not, but the answer I gave you is just merely the same.

You praised me that the way I drive is very comfortable. I am very very pleased that I would drive you to anywhere everyday if I could. We miss out the firework and you jokingly said "I want to see the firework! You must do one for me! Let it be just two firework stick". I really think hard though I pretends not to pay attention to you. It was a great night for me I hope yours too. I got to know there's this guy was into you too, and for god sake, you leaked that you rejected him by telling him, you liked someone else.

Firework. It would be lame to really hold just two firework sticks. What's more? Am actually pretty glad to be able to know programming and flash. I find my way to make a firework. I finally did! I feel so great to be able to finish the program. What's more? I am trying a very good time to show you this firework. I wonder if you will be touched. I just can't wait to show it to you. I force myself to be brave enough to show it to you. I find my way to show it to you. I was disappointed that you didn't manage to see it by that day.

You asked me why you can't open, which I already know, you can't. I teached you. I really wish you could see it! And you were so so so surprised when you see it! You said "I see it! I see it! OMG! OMG! You remember what I said", I am glad you like it! You said "You are so so so sweet". I just happy! I am very happy that you said I'm sweet. I am glad you like it! I would love to do it everyday for you to make you happy.

We went to club, everything seems so fine, but I just don't know how to flirt with you in club. I don't know how can I approach you in club. We went home finally, after sending other friends home, I send you home. You asked me to use route A, but I use route B instead, because I know route A is much much more faster than route B. I wanted to stay with you a lil longer. But I don't know you will dislike it. I am sorry. You said you are just too tired. Could it really be? Or you are realy angry? I have been worrying since.

I don't dare to bother you.

I choose to believe in you since you said you have not got angry.

A few more days already 09/09/09, I tried to date you for dinner. But you said are going to work overtime. Which I believe you are, your dedication of work is just earn my respect. Thinking what can I do on this occasion, I bought a bouquet of 99 roses to your office. I knew it was too fast, I knew the result will not be the one I wanted.

I have never let you know I like you, I really would like to let you know I like you. It took so much courage to do such silly thing. The consequences is big, could be unexpected, could be negative. After all, I know the answer, I am glad that you did not tell me you got another person you liking. Instead you said you are not ready for relationship. You said you do not want to hurt me. I never told you, I am willing to wait until you are ready. Once I said it, I mean it.

What I believe in myself being part of employer

I have no experience in working in big MNC, I have no course in BA, I only study BIT, has no economical background or whatsoever.

I work based on my logical thinking and my conscience, there's reason why I created a name for my new venture or future venture. "Synergy", I belive one can never succeed by their own, people must cooperate with each other to bring out a better result. My principal of life. Communication is a very very vital too. To communicate with your upper line and lower line can absolutely bring you to a higher level.

Why? This is because the lower line has more experience in operation and they face more operation difficulty than middle or upper line do. Middle line shall convey the difficulty faced by upper line to the lower line. Upper line shall consider even more on the middle and lower line operation.

How are you going to excel when everyone is pointing finger to keep their ass safe? Creating hatred everywhere which resulting to no harmony. What can you do about it? The company is going to ruin in no time. Expansion = Destruction.

Though this message might not able to convey to the intented party, but I do hope it can reminds me every single bit in the future.

I am still alive

Well guys I am still alive in this earth and living happily with my current life and I content with what I have now and eagerly to upgrade it. That's it for the summary.

O.K. I think this blog have no more visitors! That's good!

I have been start working with my dad since March this year and everything progressing very well. Though many people might think I have been misplaced or to be said I wasted my 5 years of education in I.T. field, I seriously do not think I have wasted my 5 years of UC education. I always thought what I have learn from UC is not I.T. skill but is the way of working. Since I helped my dad I can proudly say that I have increased the business rate of my dad's business. That is why I dare to say I able to get a Mazda.

How much do I earn working in IT? 2K, 3K? Can I support the whole family? No, not even a bit!

I choose my path and I am happy with it.

I will not live on by looking back what failure I have live back. I only know if I don't move forward. I will just be stagnent. I will not look back the way I am, I will not look back my failure of my relationship, I will not look back on the failure of my friendship, I will not look back at my last jobs, I will not look back at my last failure. But it will remains as a reminder, reminds me on how it can makes me better in person.

Everything will be fine! I love my life now although it's quite busy and still need work on Sunday.

Again I am still alive!

Pressure

Working with your own family is never easy.
Take over family stuff is also never easy.
Pleasing everyone is also never easy.
Being too smart is also never easy.
Having stupid people around is TOUGH!

I'm very pressure!
I have no life!

PLEASE HELP ME!